Strengthening your EQ involves reflection, accountability and practice

Learning how to improve your emotional intelligence (EQ) can help you find better solutions during conflicts — but it can also provide many other benefits. By being more aware of your emotions, you can build stronger relationships, think more clearly and easily reach your goals.

12 ways to develop emotional intelligence

Health psychologist Grace Tworek, PsyD, says anyone can work on improving their emotional intelligence if they feel the need to strengthen their relationships or hone their leadership skills. No matter how old you are or what your inner child looks like, we all have the unique ability to grow and change.

“Emotional intelligence may come more naturally to some people than others, but it’s a skill set that can be developed over time,” Dr. Tworek assures. “Improving your EQ will help you manage daily stressors and communicate with others more effectively.”

These strategies can help you develop your emotional intelligence skills.

1. Reflect on your emotions

Improving emotional intelligence begins with understanding your relationship with your own emotions. How do they feel in your physical body? How do you tend to respond to emotions like anger, sadness and joy?

“Think about the last time you were sad,” advises Dr. Tworek. “Were you grieving? Were you regretful? How did the sadness feel in your body? Finding ways to name your emotions and understanding how they physically affect you can help improve or modify your responses to them.”

2. Journal your thoughts and feelings

Having a hard time taking a step back and labeling your feelings? Try journaling. It helps to put your emotions into words, especially when those emotions are complicated.

“Keeping track of your thoughts, emotions and the way you experience things can help you gain insight into how you feel and develop self-awareness,” Dr. Tworek says. “This can help you develop empathy toward others, including understanding how others may perceive things, and improve your relationships.”

3. Self-evaluate every now and then

We can end up switching into autopilot mode when we’ve built up years-long habits of thinking and reacting. So, it helps to take a step back every now and then to re-evaluate who you are as a person and make sure your present self is still in line with your core values.

“Practices like meditation help you become more in tune with yourself,” Dr. Tworek shares. “It helps you take inventory of everything so you can better understand and self-regulate your emotions and learn to think before you react.”

Various forms of meditation and deep breathing techniques can also help you calm your mind and reduce stress and anxiety.

4. Stay present

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware and present, no matter what you’re doing — whether it’s eating lunch, hanging out with friends, running a meeting or waiting in rush-hour traffic. Like meditation, mindfulness allows you to show up for yourself and others in ways that are noticeable and appreciated. By staying present, you strengthen your connection with others and continue to improve your self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

5. Learn from your own experiences

To help you figure out how best to communicate with others, Dr. Tworek suggests reflecting on a time when someone else asked for your opinion in a way that made you feel valued, affirmed, supported or otherwise listened to.

“Think about how they phrased it and how that can inform the way you phrase a similar question to someone else,” she recommends. “You can identify tips and tricks from great leaders and other people who you feel communicate well, then use those in your own interactions.”

6. Own your mistakes

Taking responsibility for your actions — especially if they have a negative impact on other people — can go a long way to improve your emotional intelligence. It not only forces you to be accountable for how you treat other people, but it also clues you in on how others are feeling about you in general.

“Make sure you’re honing your emotional intelligence skills when it comes to your relationships with others, not just your awareness of yourself,” Dr. Tworek advises. “This means practicing your communication skills and not being afraid to ask what you can do differently.”

7. Set and respect boundaries

All relationships have a little give-and-take, so it’s important to acknowledge how far is too far and what’s allowed to affect your time and energy.

Setting healthy boundaries helps you protect your values and maintain your goals. But acknowledging and respecting other people’s boundaries is just as important, too. You never want to make someone feel unworthy, unsafe or disrespected. Do whatever you can to treat others the way you want to be treated.

8. Ask for feedback

Asking for feedback opens the door to further communication and development. It conveys your openness to having such conversations and trying to strengthen your relationships.

“Sometimes, we assume that when we say something, it elicits a certain emotion in someone else,” Dr. Tworek poses. “It never hurts to ask, ‘When I communicate with you in this way, how does that make you feel? Is there a better way for me to get this message across?’ Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to ask and to clarify.”

9. Work on your active listening skills

When you’re in a conversation with someone else, do you just hear them, or are you really, truly listening to them? Practice active listening by giving conversations your full focus and attention and making a genuine effort to understand what the other person is saying and where they’re coming from.

10. Pay attention to what’s not being said

Active listening also involves paying attention to body language and more subtle verbal cues, like tone, that can help you understand how people are feeling beyond just the words they say. The more you pay genuine attention to others’ behaviors, the easier it is to continue to show up for them.

11. Practice empathy

Reaching for a high emotional intelligence requires a willingness to grow and an open mind. When you’re dealing with other people, meet them where they’re at with grace, kindness and respect. When trying to understand how someone is feeling, engage them in an opportunity to practice empathy. This practice can also go a long way when fostering relationships, and it helps nurture a growth mindset.

12. Be patient

It’s never too late to boost your emotional intelligence. But it takes time to build new habits, character traits and social skills. This is a long-term project. So, keep working at it, piece by piece, day by day. If something doesn’t feel right or isn’t clicking, you can always make adjustments or ask a therapist for help.

You can think of improving your emotional intelligence similar to improving your physical fitness: It’s something you have to work on, intentionally and for the long haul.

“Any step forward is progress,” Dr. Tworek encourages. “And it’s something that you can continue to work on throughout your life.”